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From “Being Helped” to “Helper:” How Switching Roles Benefits and Empowers Our Kids

  • Writer: Barbara Kaminski, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LBA(VA)
    Barbara Kaminski, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LBA(VA)
  • Mar 26
  • 6 min read

Think about your child’s daily reality. I'm not asking you to imagine the experience of having autism, but rather to visualize their routine: their days and weeks. For many, this involves a constant rotation of support and specialists. At school, they might have an aide, be placed in a specialized classroom, or be pulled out of their regular class for targeted instruction. Outside of school, their schedule is filled with appointments—speech therapy, ABA therapy, and more frequent doctor visits. Their life is structured around many individuals and services all dedicated to "helping" them.

Small child on living room floor with two adults

Can you picture it? While complete empathy is impossible, what emotions are you experiencing?

I'll share what comes up for me: "I feel insignificant." It's not that I don't value assistance, but without opportunities to impact my surroundings, I feel diminished. Things are happening around me and “for” me all the time. I feel “small.”


Maybe those feelings of insignificance don’t show up for most of our kids. Or maybe they do. And naturally, we all want them to feel important. The encouraging news is that regardless of a child's current skill level, there are ways to shift this dynamic. We can empower our kids by creating situations where they can volunteer and assist others.


When planning our monthly Saturday social sessions last fall, we decided to incorporate a "helping others" activity each month for the small group attending. The group began with a September brainstorming session to identify who they can help and how. 


child's hand drawn picture of a dog

Since that day, they have become helpers. They sketched portraits of animals for an animal adoption agency. They selected toys for donation to patients at Children's National Hospital. They assembled "thank you" bags for delivery drivers. Everyone participates on some level; we meet the kids where they are skill-wise. And I strongly believe that everyone benefits from that participation in multiple ways.



Benefits of Becoming a Helper


Strengthening Perspective-Taking Skills

Community service, volunteering, and other forms of “helping” can yield multiple benefits for children with autism.  Many struggle with perspective-taking, including anticipating how their actions will affect others. It can be difficult for them to “picture” another person’s experiences. 



two delivery drivers loading truck with packages

To address this, in our social group projects, we often use “point-of-view” videos. These videos help the children better understand the experiences of others. During the project focused on delivery drivers, we watched a "day in the life" video of a driver working through the busy holiday season. This video illustrated a very long shift with few breaks and over a hundred deliveries.


We used that backdrop to brainstorm what items the driver might need or appreciate in a thank-you bag. The final care packages included practical items such as a water bottle, snacks, hand sanitizer, hand warmers, and a few other small gifts. And the kids understood that these items would be helpful because they spent some time imagining (through the help of the video) what it would be like to spend a day in the driver's shoes, so to speak.


Strengthening Social and Interpersonal Skills

Helping others can unlock community. Many crucial social skills can develop from practical experiences like meeting new people, forming relationships, and engaging in teamwork, all while addressing vital community needs. Research consistently shows that volunteering in community groups provides structured opportunities for social interaction. This provides a natural background for everyone to practice and improve their social and communication skills.


For instance, a study by Rider and Hall (2002) examined the benefits of community volunteering for college students, both with and without disabilities. Participants with disabilities reported benefits such as pride, skill development and generalization, empowerment, and increased social interaction and verbal communication. Those without disabilities experienced positive attitude changes, increased social interaction, and professional development. Other researchers, including Afzal & Hussain (2020), Khasanzyanova (2007), and Project Impact, have reported similar positive effects on social and soft skills.


Building Self-Esteem and Worth

Which brings us back to where we started.  Shifting the focus from being "helped" to becoming a

child's hands lifting up a model of the earth

"helper" is the core benefit of engaging in activities for others. As Michelle Vinokuro, an autistic advocate and blogger, observes, "whether it's stocking shelves at a food pantry or helping at a library, every small task they do becomes a powerful message: ‘You are important. We see you. We need you.’"


We've seen this happen for our Saturday social group participants. I wish you could talk to the child who watched and waited every day afterschool for a week to catch a package delivery person. He was so excited and proud that he couldn’t stop talking about it!


A Call to Action - How to Empower Your Helper at Home

Volunteering and community service can highlight the awesome, unique talents our kids have, focusing on what they can do instead of what they can't. These contributions are a great way to share their abilities with the community and help them feel like they belong, are capable, and have self-worth. It can be tough to figure out where to start. Fortunately, because they are very familiar with your child’s strengths, your Behavior Analyst can help to point you in the right direction.


Find Opportunities That Are Meaningful to Your Family

child helping roll dough

Chances are, there are things that your family is already passionate about, and that is the best place to start. Consider this example: You live in a neighborhood where folks look out for and help each other, especially neighbors who are elderly or ill. Based on your child’s skills, think of ways your child pitch in (psst - your Behavior Analyst would love to brainstorm ideas with you!). Maybe they could help with raking leaves/fall clean-up. If you are making a meal for a sick neighbor, maybe there are things they can do during the food preparation - from the simplest things like having them help stir something to more complex activities like getting their help with the meal planning. Regardless of the activity, it is important to highlight how it contributes!  If the activity aligns with one of their current passions, all the better; connecting their passion to a project makes it more rewarding.


Since we at Green Box are currently limited in taking children into the community, we find meaningful activities that align with the Saturday social group participants’ values and passions. In addition to the examples noted earlier, we’ve written thank you cards for veterans, assembled "pen bouquets" for teachers, and this month, we will be planting “bee attracting” starter seeds. Regardless of the activity, we focus on making the experience both rewarding for the child and helpful to others.


Help Them See Others’ Points of View

Be sure to provide chances for your child to learn about different people and their unique needs. I

highly recommend using those currently popular "point of view" videos that pop up on our social media feeds. Search YouTube for phrases like "a day in the life of X" and see what videos you come across. Experiencing the world through someone else's "eyes" helps build perspective-taking skills and understand why the contribution will be meaningful to the recipient.


Align Activities With Skills and Abilities

To ensure an empowering experience when helping others, it's vital to avoid activities that feel overwhelmingly demanding or cause intense discomfort.  Here are some tips:


Keep the activity within your child’s current skill set. Think about social skills required and the practical skills of the activity itself.


child wearing glasses and headphones

Be mindful of sensory needs and potential overwhelm. For example, while volunteering at a noisy fun run might be too stimulating, helping to prepare the registration packets or aid station supplies might be a good fit. Use your understanding of your child to identify what level of experiences could work for them. Be creative in finding related, less-stimulating opportunities if needed.


Push, but don't repeatedly cross, the boundaries of your child’s comfort zone. It's acceptable to gently challenge them, but unless you are certain they will have a positive experience, avoid repeatedly forcing them into intensely uncomfortable situations. The goal is to ensure that the activity is a meaningful experience for them, or at least that the benefit significantly outweighs the discomfort, to keep them engaged and wanting to do more!


So get out there and give them the chance to give back!

This isn’t charity. It’s empowerment. And that shift in identity, from “helped” to “helper,” can spark a whole new sense of pride and self-worth.


Want to get started? Ask for suggestions during your next meeting with your Behavior Analyst!


References and Resources


Comments

For Autism services, Green Box ABA currently accepts the TRICARE insurance plan

 

The time frame for initiation of services is dependent upon availability of service providers and varies depending upon when the client is available for sessions. There is an especially high demand for after-school services.

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Green Box ABA, PLLC

6218 Old Keene Mill Ct, West Springfield, VA, United States

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