Supporting Children with Autism During Deployment Transitions and Changes

Coming home!

When Angela Johnson learned that her husband, Capt. Minh Nguyen, was deploying for six months, her first thought wasn’t about herself—it was about how their 9-year-old daughter, Elena, would handle the change. Elena thrives on routine, and even a new aide at school can throw her off. Angela worried: How will bedtime go without Dad? Will Elena get frustrated during video calls? And when Minh comes home, will Elena even want a hug right away?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Military families of children with autism face unique challenges around deployment, but with preparation, consistency, and ABA-informed strategies, you can help your child adjust before, during, and after deployment.

Before Deployment: Preparing for the Change

Angela knew that helping Elena understand the upcoming separation would make the transition smoother.

Use visual supports: Angela created a simple storybook showing “Dad at home,” “Dad leaving,” “Dad on the computer,” and “Dad coming back.” Seeing the sequence helped Elena understand what was happening.

Create a social story: Angela wrote a short, personalized social story about deployment. It described what would happen, how Elena could handle her feelings, and how she could stay connected with Dad. Reading it daily helped her feel safe and confident, both in preparation for deployment and while he was away.

Practice the new “parent away” routine before the parent leaves: They tried a few “Dad-away” mornings before deployment, so Elena could experience the change gradually.

Pair separation with positivity: Angela celebrated small separations, like when Minh ran errands, and marked reunions with fun rituals—high-fives or special handshakes.

Introduce communication tools: Elena practiced video calling and sending drawings to Minh while he was still home. Familiarity helped reduce anxiety when he left.

During Deployment: Strategies for Daily Life

Once Minh deployed, Angela focused on maintaining routines and reinforcing positive behaviors.

Keep routines predictable: Daily schedules, visual cues, and timers helped Elena know what to expect and reduced uncertainty.

Celebrate small successes: When Elena completed tasks like brushing her teeth or helping her brother Jordan set the table, Angela praised her and occasionally offered small rewards.

Plan for tough moments: Angela kept a “calm kit” with Elena’s favorite fidget toys, weighted blanket, and headphones for sensory breaks. Teaching her to request breaks prevented meltdowns.

Stay connected with the deployed parent: Weekly video calls and occasional pre-recorded messages allowed the family to stay connected with Minh. This continuity reassured Elena that their bond remained strong.

When Deployment Ends: Preparing for Reunion

The reunion is joyful but also another transition. Angela prepared Elena for Minh’s return carefully.

Prepare in advance: Angela used a countdown calendar and social story to show what would happen when Minh returned.

Ease back into routines: Instead of jumping into all activities at once, they started with short play sessions, building up gradually. They slowly returned to the routines and division of child-care responsibilities that were in place before the deployment.

Acknowledge mixed feelings: Elena sometimes hesitated at first hugs or wanted space. Angela supported her by reinforcing calm, positive behaviors while letting Elena lead interactions.

Expect possible challenging behavior: Some children may show increases in aggression, tantrums, or other challenging behaviors when a parent returns. This is often a response to excitement, anxiety, or a change in routine. Parents can anticipate this by reviewing coping strategies in advance, providing extra praise for calm behavior, and keeping routines predictable.

Celebrate together: A family movie night marked Minh’s return, pairing the reunion with something enjoyable and predictable.

Final Thoughts

Deployment can be challenging for families of children with autism, but preparation, consistent routines, and positive reinforcement go a long way. The Johnson-Nguyen family’s experience shows that small, intentional strategies—broken down step by step—help children feel secure and supported through big changes.

Remember: ABA principles aren’t just for teaching skills—they can guide families through life transitions, helping kids thrive even when routines shift and parents are apart.

Want more resources? Operation Autism has additional suggestions and resources for deployment situations. And, if you haven’t already taken a look at this site, you should! It is full of great resources for military families.